My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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