I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
