If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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