I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Come share oat with me in your robe
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
