love makes seman taste better
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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