What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dear god my vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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