okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
