It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
