He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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