I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
