I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
