I wish I could teleport
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
