how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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