Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
