Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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