and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
