Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
