Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize