I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
