I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
