Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
