I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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