I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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