All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
