Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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