He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
