You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
