tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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