Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
