It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize