I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
