i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
