she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
