I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
