You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
