I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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