her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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