I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Welp...herpes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
