It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
