Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
