Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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