Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
