Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
