It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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