can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
