cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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