Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
