"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
