Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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