i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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