1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
