i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
