piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
