he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
