Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
