i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
