I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
