He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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