I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize