And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
