Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
