12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
