dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
