One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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