hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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