Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
