I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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