I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
