I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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