I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
