On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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