you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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