That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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